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December 27th, 2011


typefiend
12:27 pm - Here he is..... your Mr. Asian Mustache 2004!
Note: this is a repost of the same post below, except with the images added back in. LiveJournal wouldn't let me edit the original post.


Finally, the moment you have all been waiting for! Week four, the final 7 days of the contest and we can finally award the 2004 Asian Mustache Olympics gold medal to Mr. Vietnam. His full and luxuriant mustache is ready for police duty, and he edged out Mr. Phillipines by a single whisker. Mr. Vietnam was also amazingly gifted at taking photos each week in almost the exact same pose. A few contestants grumbled he was merely using the same photo and using a photo manipulation program to enhance his mustache each week. But independent verification proved John was indeed the winner.

Mr. Phillipines won the silver medal for mustache excellence, and is reportedly in talks with a mustache wax product manufacturer for sponsorship. His girlfriend publicly detested the mustache, but according to Martin, in private she was fascinated by its erotic possibilities. His fiance's korean uncle was quoted as saying,""it looks bad! shave it off!" at a family gathering, yet he persevered in the honour of competition. A close second and valiant effort for pinoy all over!

Bronze prize winner Mr. China unfortunately fell victim to the pressures of growing a mustache. As you can see in the photo, a homocidal and crazed personality developed. You didn't want to mess with this man or his mustache by week four. When last seen, "Wild" Bill was reportedly robbing banks, stealing candy from children, mugging the elderly, and still annoyed that he had to grow a mustache for four weeks just to amuse me. A few of the quotes he heard while competing:
Week 3:
Jessica says: You look so stupid! Why are you doing this?!

My ponderings: Normally I like smiling at people...I think people like it. But now I'm embarrassed to do it at all because I don't want to bring attention to my face. However, out of habit or I just couldn't resist, I did flash a smile at the girl working at the ucla cafeteria. She smiled back - she didn't charge me for my salad. Accidental oversight or power of the mustache?

Week 4:
Yoko says: You have a mustache? (a few seconds later) You have a mustache?
My pondering: You pay a hooker to be nice to you. If the hooker tells you that the mustache isn't a good thing, its pretty much, not a good thing.


Mr. Korea eked out a higher placing than Mr. Indonesia because the Indonesian contestant disqualified himself by shaving his mustache a week early (the shame!). Mr. Korea is happily enjoying his mustache-free life, but ocassionally contemplates hair implants to come back in 2005 stronger and better. Mr. Indonesia's whereabouts are unknown since departing early from the contest in shame. His shaven whiskers are a reminder for every thrill of victory, there is an agony of defeat.

     Thanks to John, Bill, Martin, Shane and Gregory for participating. Special thanks to Jenny, Emily, Raina, and Sandwich for putting up with their fella's tomfoolery.     

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June 22nd, 2004


mayormustache
05:36 pm - Here he is..... your Mr. Asian Mustache 2004!


Finally, the moment you have all been waiting for! Week four, the final 7 days of the contest and we can finally award the 2004 Asian Mustache Olympics gold medal to Mr. Vietnam. His full and luxuriant mustache is ready for police duty, and he edged out Mr. Phillipines by a single whisker. Mr. Vietnam was also amazingly gifted at taking photos each week in almost the exact same pose. A few contestants grumbled he was merely using the same photo and using a photo manipulation program to enhance his mustache each week. But independent verification proved John was indeed the winner.

Mr. Phillipines won the silver medal for mustache excellence, and is reportedly in talks with a mustache wax product manufacturer for sponsorship. His girlfriend publicly detested the mustache, but according to Martin, in private she was fascinated by its erotic possibilities. His fiance's korean uncle was quoted as saying,""it looks bad! shave it off!" at a family gathering, yet he persevered in the honour of competition. A close second and valiant effort for pinoy all over!

Bronze prize winner Mr. China unfortunately fell victim to the pressures of growing a mustache. As you can see in the photo, a homocidal and crazed personality developed. You didn't want to mess with this man or his mustache by week four. When last seen, "Wild" Bill was reportedly robbing banks, stealing candy from children, mugging the elderly, and still annoyed that he had to grow a mustache for four weeks just to amuse me. A few of the quotes he heard while competing:
Week 3:
Jessica says: You look so stupid! Why are you doing this?!

My ponderings: Normally I like smiling at people...I think people like it. But now I'm embarrassed to do it at all because I don't want to bring attention to my face. However, out of habit or I just couldn't resist, I did flash a smile at the girl working at the ucla cafeteria. She smiled back - she didn't charge me for my salad. Accidental oversight or power of the mustache?

Week 4:
Yoko says: You have a mustache? (a few seconds later) You have a mustache?
My pondering: You pay a hooker to be nice to you. If the hooker tells you that the mustache isn't a good thing, its pretty much, not a good thing.


The battle for first runner-up was close, but Mr. Korea eked out a higher placing than Mr. Indonesia because the Indonesian contestant disqualified himself by shaving his mustache a week early (the shame!). Mr. Korea is happily enjoying his mustache-free life, but ocassionally contemplates hair implants to come back in 2005 stronger and better. Mr. Indonesia's whereabouts are unknown since departing early from the contest in shame. His shaven whiskers are a reminder for every thrill of victory, there is an agony of defeat.

Thanks to John, Bill, Martin, Shane and Gregory for participating. Special thanks to Jenny, Emily, Raina, and Sandwich for putting up with their fella's tomfoolery.
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
Current Music: Whiskeytown -Don't Be Sad

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June 21st, 2004


typefiend
09:58 pm

Now this is a dashing asian mustache. Tony Leung shows us how to do it right.

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typefiend
09:22 pm - My Love Life Goes South As The Hair Grows Over The Mouth


A definite negative of participating in this competition was the noticeable declining rate of "turn on the Jodeci, pop open the bubbly, and let's get freak nasty like a Prince tune all night long" moments as my mustache grew. Where once my girlfriend and I had a very, very satisfactory love life before the competition with my clean shaven mug, as my mustache became more noticeable there was an alarming rate of headaches, multiple "that time of the month" (?!?), and other ailments that supposedly prevented the chance of getting some lovin'. Suspicious? Very! The correlation was clear: the more hair, the more despair, and appearance of the no-sex granny underwear. While some would argue a mustache can be debonair and charming, my experience was that mustache growth was an all too effective form of birth control.

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June 15th, 2004


mayormustache
10:39 am
John (aka Mr. Vietnam) has contributed this comic documenting one of his public outings with his mustache.

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mayormustache
12:33 am - On a very special episode of Mustache Olympics
We've been blessed by with a very special guest tonite, one of the celebrity judges of this year's 2004 Asian Mustache Olympics, Mr. John Oates of Hall & Oates fame. Who better to break down the science about facial hair growth than Mr. Private Eyes himself!

"Although my eyebrows are bushier than these boys' mustaches, I still have to give them two hand claps and a lip lick for the effort. Growing a mustache is what separates the boys from real men, and these fellas are striving for the same sort of greatness I've achieved since the age of 5, when my mustache first came to full operational state. But enough about me, so let me break down the science of how hair growth actually works"

"There are two different type of hairs that grow on the human body: terminal hairs and vellus (downy) hair. Terminal hair are the long hairs of the scalp, beard, mustache, armpits and also the very same sorta hairs that Daryl leaves each friggin' morning around the toilet, the slob. They are also the short, stiff hairs of the eyebrows, eyelashes and the hairs that grow out of your grandpappy's ears and your chinese grandmother's nasty ass mole. Vellus (downy) hair covers the rest of the body, as some of you fellow back waxers all know about."

"Although the hair we see is actually dead tissue, each hair has a living root called a hair follicle. When we're born, we have all our hair follicles already in place. While some may change in size over time, we don't develop any new ones after birth. The total number of hair follicles for an adult human is estimated at five million, a million of which are on the head, of which 100,000 cover the scalp. Mr. Korea and Mr. Indonesia likely have about 23 follicles in their mustache region between them, and that's being generous. But I digree. Each follicle has its own blood supply, which delivers nourishment like a cow's teet to its calf, and a nerve supply which can communicate pain as well as controlling a tiny muscle at the root of each hair called the erector pili muscle. When this muscle contracts, the hair stands erect, just like my crotch when I see Daryl washing his car in cutoff jeans. This is how hair helps to keep our bodies warm. When the body is cold, the muscles are stimulated to make the hair stand up more, and the mind wanders to wistful fantasies of spooning with your partner smothered in heated body butter. My oh my, the body is a wonderful thing, isn't it?"

"Finally, let's take a closer look at our contestants using the miracles of science. Here is a magnification of Mr. Vietnam's mustache region....a thriving jungle of mustachioed goodness. Compare that to this closeup of Mr. Korea's upper lip and you can see the profound difference in which genetics play. I pity his pitiful, hairless life...I can't go for that, no can do."


Big thanks to Mr. John Oates for breaking down the science of mustaches.

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June 14th, 2004


mayormustache
10:36 pm - Week 3: The Harvest
Week 3 proves to be the stretch during the competition when everyones' hair production kicks in...the proverbial bend around the corner before the last dash for glory (and the razor blade).


What becomes glaringly obvious is that Mr. Vietnam is one hairy muthafucka and grows upper lip hair like an East German gymnast. Other contestants suspect steroid use, but Mr. Vietnam passes each drug and rectal exam with flying colours, and simply attributes his amazing hair growth to good genes (possibly "missing link" genes if you ask me). He begins to consider frequenting pool halls and roughing up locals for protection money with his new found tough guy lip hairdo.

Mr. Phillipines is trailing with the second fullest mustache, but arguably the more aesthetically pleasing of the two. He is what one would call a "natural". His new found masculine look helps him in the everyday testesterone demanding line of work as a.....ahem....ummm...illustrator? It remains to be seen if he can motivate the facial hairs to bring their A-game into the next week and gain the lead.

Mr. China's mustache is familiar. His is the very same style sported by many pai gow gamblers and he's sent this "I am not amused" portrait possibly to convey how he feels at this point in the competition. One twitch of his lip and the next thing you know, your "chips are cashed out", as they say. Mr. China notes he has begun to avoid certain foods that are incompatible with his new mustache, as issues of proper grooming and cleanliness come into play in his everyday life. "Hold the sauce" is his new motto.

Mr. Korea's mustache is now partially visible under certain lighting conditions, though he now often waxes poetically wise words of wisdom while pinching the ends of his sparse mustache. The individual hairs themselves are dark and thick like the bristles of a pig hair brush, but also separated so far from each one another, one needs to play connect the dots to form the image of a proper mustache. One of the Backstreet Boys begins calling and asking for his mustache back on a regular basis.

And finally Mr. Indonesia rounds up the rear with a mustache which I call the "7-10 Split", growing most of his hairs around the outer edges of his upper lip. He notes after surviving a job interview with his new look:
When I asked my boss if it was my sexy moustache that got me the job, she just laughed in my face and said she didn't even notice [there was] a mustache. The growth is troubling though, uneveness makes me asymmetrical. Grr...

Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: Lionel Richie-Say You, Say Me

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June 7th, 2004


mayormustache
11:34 am - Week 2
There are two things we regret not having included during the mustache growing contest: 1) a caucasian control group participant (since it would have been interesting to see how we faired against our more hairy, melanin deficient brothers), and 2) a Japanese representative. Both their absences were primarily for the same reason: embarassment. We tried to get our friend kozyndan to participate, since he already sports a hearty beard and mustache in a luxurious bear sorta way...an inspiration of sorts. But when confronted with the challenge of just growing his mustache, he basically said "fuck no!" When asked why, he simply replied, "I don't want to look fucking stupid!". Fair enough. The white man bows out.

In terms of a japanese representative not participating, it wasn't because of lack of effort in trying to find someone to join in. Each and every person who were pegged as possible candidates were either not able to participate because of disappoving significant others or being to shy to subject themselves to the one month test of will. So we decided to move on without a representative from the land of the rising sun.


Week 2: the contestants begin to show their potential (or there lackof). Mr Vietnam and Phillippines are both sporting noticeable facial hair, their lip manes even and balanced. Mr. China is a little less dense in follicle population, but still doing fairly well. But Mr. Indonesia and Mr. Korea's mustaches more resemble the armpit region of prepubescent 12 year old girls; both have problems in the hair density department.

At this juncture, everyone seems still excited and motivated to see things thru.

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June 3rd, 2004


typefiend
11:37 pm - Clean shaves, dirty looks!



Week one: Shit talking ensues, girlfriends threaten breaking up before even hair sprouts forth, and four weeks begins to feel like a long, long time.

All five contestants start week one with cleanly shaven mugs. Note that John (middle photo) has already cut himself in the process and sports a small tissue above his upper lip where he hopes to grow an abundant crop of facial hair in the coming weeks. Fortunately for him, his girlfriend Raina is out of town and is scheduled to come back almost to the very day the contest ends. Lucky her.

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May 24th, 2004


typefiend
03:30 pm - Opening Ceremony

Welcome to the first and never again
2004 Asian Mustache Olympics!



Five men of assorted asian persuasion answering the challenge to compete in a one month test to determine who can grow the most facial hair above their lip. Ignoring both the pleas of significant others and the barrage of mockery from all those around, these five young men brave discrimination and the discomfort of upper lip caterpillars in the name of science and competition. Who will best fare when it comes to facial hair?

Your competitors are:

John Pham



Nationality: Vietnamese
Nickname: The Vietnamese John Kerry
Occupation: Cyclo driver, gambler extraordinaire, illustrator
Normal facial hairstyle: Kinda clean, but never mean
Mustache role model: Ming the Merciless
Odds of winning: 2 to 1
In his own words: I’ve got a brief window of oppurtunity to grow this sucker. My girlfriend’s in NYC for a month or two, so I think now’s the time. The time to finally bear that hairy cross that is every Vietnamese man’s birthright. I’m “psyched.” P.S. I cut myself shaving this first week, explaining the boogeresque object underneath the nose (think of it as a placeholder for the facial foliage!).

Bill Poon</b>





Nationality: Chinese
Nickname: "Happy Hairy"
Occupation: Part time landlord, pinky finger manucurist, illustrator/zinester
Normal facial hairstyle: Clean shaven
Mustache role model: Rollie Fingers
Odds of winning: 1 in 3 ("I guess it should have been 5 but I knew one of the applicants was going to bow out and only considered the korean contestant a mere shadow of a nosehair in my bid for victory")
In his own words: Most of the girls I knew were quite nice about the baby catapillar below my nose, however, I don't date them so thats probably why.



Gregory Han





Nationality: Korean.
Nickname: "Catfish" or "Care Bare"
Occupation: Out of work K-pop keyboardist (photo: bottom left), graphic designer, part time nincompoop
Normal facial hairstyle: Nice and smooth
Mustache role model: Morris Day
Odds of winning: 320 (hairs) to 1
In his own words: I find it strange that some consider having lots of facial and body hair somehow desirable. The way I look at it, being less hairy is a sign of evolutionary progress....and cheaper since I don't have to buy many shaving supplies. Still, I've always wondered what it would be like to grow something beyond spotty whiskers....



Martin Cendreda



Nationality: Filipino
Nickname: Igor, Nine Inch Sandwich
Occupation: Strongest Man in the World competitor, illustrator
Normal facial hairstyle: 2 day stubble
Mustache role model: Lemmy Kilmeister
Odds of winning: 4 to 1
In his own words:Soon, I will know how it feels to look like a cop....or a child molester....or a member of the Village People...(or all of them at once).



Shane Redsar



Nationality: Indonesian
Nickname: Sir-Mimes-a-Lot
Occupation: Erotic Mime
Normal facial hairstyle: Stray hairs (aka lazy)
Mustache role model: The Amazing Mr. Limpet
Odds of winning: "Its not about winning, it’s the journey..."
In his own words: I was scared at first, but now, nothing scares me. It was a good luck charm in my employment. It was fun to stroke, what little I had, when I was thinking. However, I did get ridicule, it was a character builder.




More to follow in coming days.....

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